Mr Cummings Regrets...

Old Mr Cummings, one of the few fellows left in the village now that everyone else had gone to war, regretted not having the stamina to take Miss Delilah Mayflower up on her offer of a short-to-medium-term very close friendship with a bit of spotted dick on a Thursday. Frightfully keen, the dear old girl had even offered to hold his nuts for him should his foraging basket become a little heavy whilst out rambling in the greenwood.

Deflated - and wishing he was forty years younger - he wrote a letter to Mrs Hilda Ffinch, the Agony Aunt of Little Hope, and poured his late-Victorian heart out.

Popping his missive into the letterbox outside the Yorkshire Meat Emporium in the High Street, Mr Cummings sighed, poked a passing hedgehog with his walking stick, and set off home to number 2 Verdun Passage, hoping for a miracle...

'The Wit And Wisdom of Hilda Ffinch'

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